I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough

Sometimes, I think life would be a lot easier if we were just on our own. If we didn't have to worry about other people like our friends, our family and all those around us. If we didn't have to worry about what they might think or say or what they think we should do or what they expect of us.

You know how on the Sims, there's an option to turn on or off Free Will? Well, there is. You can either let them move around as they want and do things on their own or make it so that they'll only do what you tell them to do. Sometimes, I wish life was like that. But...not exactly. I wish that there were some switch we could flip that would turn off other people's ability to judge us, to care about what we do and say. So that with certain things or at certain times in our lives, we could be on our own. We could do just what we want or say just what we want and not have to worry about how it will affect other people or what they'll think of it.

I don't mean that I want to be able to like...murder people or become a raging slut or do hard drugs. I just want to be able to make my own decisions, sometimes, without having to take others' opinions into account, you know, especially with big life decisions like, what do I want my major to be, or should I transfer, or should I drop out of college, or should I make a huge career change? (Which is not to say that I've thought about doing any of these things; I'm just trying to make a point). I spend so much time and energy listening to, thinking about, worrying about what other people will think about my actions and my choices, that by the time I've processed it all and am able to spit out an opinion, a decision, I sometimes can't tell if it's really mine or someone else's. If, for once, I could just ignore everything that everyone tells me and everyone's opinions and everything that everyone else wants me to do, then maybe I could actually figure out what I want to do.

I don't really wish I were on my own. I don't. I'm happy that there are people in my life who care about me enough to want to help me, that there are people who just want what's best for me. The problem is, I don't always know what's best for me. And I just want to have a chance to figure it out.