Lay 'em down

I was watching Pay it Forward the other day. You know, with Haley Joel Osment, Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey? I love that movie. Haley Joel Osment was way adorable-er as a little kid.

Anyway. You know the part where Kevin Spacey finally shows Helen Hunt the scars on his chest? I've always thought that part, when he tells the story of how he got the scars, is really disturbing and sad, but for some reason, this time it was particularly soul-crushing. I just started thinking: not only did he have to go through the physical and emotional pain that gave him those scars, but now, for the rest of his life, he'll have those reminders. He can never block out or forget what happened to him. And I think what was making me so sad is that I have scars like that. No, they're not as severe and they aren't physical, but I have scars. We all do.

We all (or most of us anyway) have been through things that have caused us pain and sorrow. It can be mild or severe, but we've all felt it. And what's worse is that once we've experienced this pain and gotten through it, it's not over. Our wounds start to heal, and after a while, they scab over, but what do we do? We pick at the scabs. We just want to get rid of the ugly scab without thinking about how we're prolonging our pain. It might not even hurt at first, but sooner or later, it'll start to bleed again. And the cycle repeats. We don't give ourselves the chance to heal, and then, even once we do heal, that scar will always be there, reminding us of the pain we once felt. I have to wonder, what's worse? Is it the initial, stinging pain of a new wound or the dull but constant, lasting pain we experience every time we look at our scars and remember how we got them?

I'm not even 20 years old. I've hardly experienced any life, and already I have scars. I can only imagine how many I'll have 40 years from now when I've lived more life than I'll have left. But I guess that's just how life works, isn't it? And hopefully I'll have enough happy memories and good experiences that my scars will be outshone.

This is depressing, I know. Sorry.